Every day is a struggle

Every day is a struggle.
I was diagnosed with depression a year ago, and every day has been a struggle since then.

Waking up is difficult. Trying to be a functioning human being is tough. Most of the times, I just wish to be alone and push people away. However, I have responsibilities, having to take care of my elderly parents. Hence I pushed myself to be a functioning human being.

But it gets harder each day.

Now I feel like an auto-pilot robot, who functions because it has to. The medication has eased the heaviness, providing certain fuel I need to move forward. It’s a work in a progress, but it is still a struggle.

I have lost some friends who do not understand my mental state. It hurts.

But I deeply treasure those who stayed on, especially my family who gives me the space I seek, but also the guidance I need. I want to be alone, but deep down I’m grateful that I am not.

Now I just long for the day I can repay all this kindness I have encountered. I long for the day where this heaviness will cease and I can move forward with no dark mist surrounding me.